Who am I?

Sleep or lack there of

2010-09-15T11:06:00.001-07:00

So Jocelyn has not been sleeping very well. I decided to read The No-Cry Sleep Solution and see if it would help. One of the first steps is to journal your baby's sleep. So here is the first set of journals for Jocelyn.

NAP LOG - 9/13/2010; Almost 11 months old

11 am - 11:15 am in car
1:40 pm - 2:30 pm in crib; nursed to sleep in glider

*************************************************************************

PRE-BEDTIME - 9/13/2010

6:00 pm Dinner
6:30 pm Groceries
7:00 pm Play
8:00 pm PJs, Nurse, Rock
8:30 pm ASLEEP

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NIGHT WAKING LOG - 9/13/2010

8:30 pm ASLEEP
12:21 am Cry, Nurse, Rock,
12:41 am ASLEEP
1:52 am Cry, Diaper, Nurse, Rock
2:07 am ASLEEP
2:17 am Cry, back rub
2:19 am ASLEEP
4:20 am Cry, Nurse, Rock
4:40 am ASLEEP
5:45 am Cry, bring to bed with mommy, nurse
6:00 am ASLEEP
7:00 am movement, nurse
7:05 am ASLEEP
7:45 am Up for the day

Asleep time : 8:30 pm
Awake time : 7:45 am
Longest Stretch of Sleep: 3 hrs 51 min
Total Hours of Sleep: approx. 11 hours
Night Wakings: 6

Adventures in canning

2010-08-28T07:25:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted in awhile. It can be hard to post with a toddler. Yes I said toddler. Jocelyn has been walking for 3 weeks or so now. She can really move and loves to plan on the local playgrounds climbing all the steps.

So I tried my hand at canning. We now have a pantry full of tomato juice (yeah not so sure that was a good call), salsa (super yummy), and ketchup. Plus some homemade relish. The ketchup is really good but it took a LONG time. Not a project to start at 7 pm.

Went grocery shopping today and the bill with coupons came to only 73.01. I feel like that was a good trip. Not going to bore you with all the details but I used the Weis $10 coupon from the paper. The great thing about that bill is it included food for entertaining tomorrow and meals for the week. Now last week's bill wasn't so nice but we had stocked up on ground meat and fish for the freezer. I am sure that and the CSA are part of why this week's bill was more reasonable.

Groceries again

2010-07-12T11:40:00.000-07:00

Ok so with the CSA I really thought we could eat cheap this week. I didn't really plan that many meals since this week is crazy and I have dinner plans out 3 nights this week. But somehow we still spent over $80 at the grocery store. I won't list the whole receipt but some highlights:

13.99 for a jar of cashews! My husband takes these in his lunch and it really is a better buy to get the big 40 oz jar but still the price is mind blowing. This should last awhile so hopefully it won't be on the bill again for awhile.

7.99 * 2 for coffee. I am a bit of a coffee snob at times and I like to buy the whole bean favor coffees and grind my own. So I was stocking up since this was going to be such a low grocery bill.

Some dog stuff... our neighbor got a new dog and I thought I'd do a little welcome to the neighborhood doggie package for her. So a $5 dog toy and $3 treats get added to the bill.

Pretzel Jello. This is the best dessert recipe I've made in awhile but it isn't that cheap to make if you don't have stuff on hand. I had to buy almost everything (but the butter and sugar). Here is the recipe if you are interested. I made raspberry so replace strawberry with raspberry and have at it.

1.5 - 2 cups crushed pretzels
1 stick melted butter
1 cup sugar (divided in half)
1 packet strawberry jello
2 cups boiling water
16 oz cool whip
8 oz cream cheese softened
16 oz frozen strawberries (could use fresh)

Combine pretzels, butter, and 1/2 cup sugar. Press into the bottom of a 13x9 pan. Bake at 350 for 6-7 mins. Add jello to boiling water and mix well. Then add strawberries. I then put this in the fridge to start to gel while I combined cream cheese, cool whip, and 1/2 cup of sugar. Put cool whip mixture on top of pretzel crust. Pour partly chilled jello on top of cool whip, chill the whole thing for a few hours. Serve.

The rest of the list was some basics like bananas, milk, etc. I also bought a few baby items (teething biscuits, organic puffs) for our upcoming beach trip. I don't like giving Jocelyn packaged foods but for traveling I figured I'd get some in case the grocery stores don't carry them and we eat out a lot. So that's that. A seemingly slow food week turns into $80 + at the store. I feel like I can't win some times. Well at least it wasn't $100 and I shouldn't (knock on wood) need to go back for anything. We will get through this week with what we have and then go on vacation and probably have a big bill when we get back.

CSA

2010-07-09T12:25:00.001-07:00

Today I picked up our first week of local produce from the Barbour Farm's CSA (community shared agriculture). We signed up for a half share of produce from July through late September/early October. Today I got 6 zucchini, 4 yellow squash, 3 cucumbers, two onions/scallions, radishes, and some broccoli. I am hoping this cuts down our weekly grocery bill while also helping us to eat healthier. Doesn't it look yummy:

Whoot! A low grocery bill

2010-07-07T12:07:00.000-07:00

Ok so I really didn't buy much of anything worth while (like meat or actual fixing for a meal) but I have a low grocery bill to show off. :-) We are still eating up meats, etc. from my weekend run for our company plus meat from the freezer. So this week I went to Weis and got:

5.16 Warm Delights (4 @ 1.79 plus I had two coupons and they round up so I saved $2)
2.99 OJ
1.29 Honey Bar (impulse buy)
2.50 Ice Cream
4.29 Cheese Sticks
2.59 Yogurt
.50 Plum
2.49 Broccoli
2.19 Raspberry Iced Tea
3.92 Grapes
3.00 Potato Chips
2.79 Rice Crispies
2.99 Honey Nut Cheerios
4.29 Laundry Detergent (long story)
6.38 Cascade Rinse agent (2)
2.00 Potato chips
2.99 Blueberries
.98 Bananas
12.50 Soda
3.00 Soda Deposit

Then I had coupons for a free soda, ice cream, iced tea, and potato chips. Plus I already mentioned my two coupons that got rounded up for the warm delights (a guilty pleasure of mine but I only buy them when I have coupons). So the total bill came to $58 even. I saved 17.79. So I finally got a grocery trip in under my $75 a week goal. Of course I had a lot of freebies and I didn't buy any meat. This is an eat from the freezer type of week but it is still nice to see the bill so low. I also stocked up on soda (5 - 12 packs) so that should make next week's bill smaller. I had to buy a special laundry detergent for almost $5 because we had issues with our water this weekend and I now have iron stained towels. This detergent is suppose to get the iron stains out. If that hadn't occurred, I would have had an even lower bill.

I also made a trip to CVS where I got a giant box of Pampers and some fiber pills. I had $8.50 in extra care bucks plus a $1.50 off pampers coupon and a $3 off CVS coupon. So I got the whole thing for $22 which is great considering the pampers typically run that much by themselves. I also got $3 extra care bucks for next time and a $4.50 off coupon for my next giant box of Pampers. Since Pampers are on sale this week at CVS I think I will head back and get another box. We only use disposables at night and for long trips out of the house so two giant boxes should last us a long time. I like the Pampers Baby Dry because they are the only diapers that Jocelyn doesn't leak out of at night. I admit to being a lazy parent who doesn't want to change a diaper at 2 am so it is worth it to me to buy the name brand diapers for that alone.

4th of July

2010-07-05T11:58:00.000-07:00

Jocelyn's first 4th of July was very busy. Her Mimi (grandmother), Grand-Bob (grandfather), and great aunt Mary Ann came to visit. We took her to the BMets and then hung out around the house first in her pool and then in her NEW sandbox. Check out some of the pictures.

Here she is with her Great Aunt Mary Ann (check out the Penn State dress)

At the BMets with Ballwinkle (it was starting to get a little weird with how long he held her)

Check out that tongue and yes she can get her toes in her mouth

Trying to get the doggies to go swimming

Her new sand box

It took Grand-Bob and Daddy trips to Toys R Us, Sears, Target, Walmart, and finally Kmart to find this sandbox. Toys R Us had other ones but they were $70. This one is perfect for her. Of course now I have sand all over my house. Oh well. Jocelyn also tried some olives and loved them this weekend. She was also a fan of the grilled chicken which turned out to be pretty spicy so I was surprised that she liked it. She ate well. So maybe Pittsburgh was just an off week and I shouldn't worry too much about what she is or isn't eating yet. The fireworks were less then a hit with her. She had seen some at a BMets game over Memorial Day weekend and enjoyed them but this time she was too tired. So she ended up back inside before the fireworks were done in our neighborhood. It was a very busy weekend.

Paper Towels

2010-06-29T06:33:00.000-07:00

So I have been looking at how to save money and also be a little more green and I am disgusted by how many paper towels we use. I find myself reaching for a paper towel to:

Dry my hands
Clean up spills
Dry a pan
Wipe the stove
Clean up the baby
Clean the windows/bathroom/etc

Basically, we have two rolls of paper towels out at any given time and probably go through more then a roll a week. I also have an entire drawer full of dish towels that we could be using instead. I am also going to go and get some of those microfiber towels and cut them into paper towel size. I make, wash, and reuse baby wipes I can surely make, wash, and reuse towels each week. So I here by vow to only use paper towels to clean up the really yucky stuff like dog vomit and to stop using them for the every day stuff. We have 4 rolls of paper towels left in the house. I am hoping they will last us until October instead of just until the middle of July.

Ok enough groceries... how about some poop?

2010-06-28T10:52:00.000-07:00

So I haven't updated on Jocelyn's eating or potty training lately. Well I am proud to say we had a nice big messy poop on the potty yesterday morning. Honestly, I couldn't be prouder as a mom yet I know that it was just dumb luck. I put her on there each morning and just hope that something happens. Usually we get a pee. Yesterday we got a poop. Nice huh? The stuff I look forward to as a mommy.

Eating has been more of a challenge. She loves to nurse and I think she would live off of breastmilk until she was 18 years old if she had a chance. Don't worry I would definitely wean before high school... :-) Anyway, she has tried salmon and tuna now and liked both. She still loves green beans and she definitely eats better at home then when we travel. Last week I don't think she ate a single solid morsel the whole time we were gone. EVERYTHING went on the floor. I tried to explain that we didn't bring the dogs but I guess she thought they must be hungry and just hiding somewhere. Now that we are back home she is eating blueberries, cheerios, green beans, and some meat again. We tried kiwi and that wasn't a big hit. Oh she had some corn bread tonight too. So we are trying to introduce more foods but I try to have something that she 'likes' around too. Of course, what she likes this week might not be what she likes next week. I am finding this method of feeding very frustrating. I am hoping once she gets some teeth she will really take off with eating. I am also hoping that she might consider dropping a few night time nursing sessions. I really don't want to push for night weaning but some nights are rough (and we are co-sleeping).

I have also decided that I need more me time. I haven't been able to get out to knitting in a LONG time and I think my attitude is suffering because of this. I need some non-baby time. I feel awful saying that but it is true. I am hoping to get back into daddy-daughter night (aka mommy gets out of the house night) at least once every other week. It is tough because I want to save money and the hubby still has a lot of commitments but I think it is something I need. Today I did the first part of the 30 day shred and the hubby took Jocelyn for a walk at the same time. When I was done, I was so confused and happy to be all alone in the house (well except for the dogs). It was nice to be able to work out without listening to a baby babble in the next room and wonder if she was ok or tired or hungry, etc.

More groceries

2010-06-27T11:53:00.000-07:00

Jocelyn and I are back from our world tour (ok just a PA state tour but still it felt like a LONG trip). We visited my grandma, uncle, aunt, mom, dad, sister, and a 'cousin' (not sure if it is second cousin or first cousin once removed). Then we visited Kevin's grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, cousin, and great-aunt. Plus we hit the Pittsburgh Zoo. All in all it was a good trip. It only really cost Jocelyn and I gas as meals and entertainment were covered by family plus free lodging. The hubby ate out of the fridge, freezer, and pantry. So no grocery bill last week. WHOOT! However, since I did get gas 3 times we should probably assume our grocery bill just went to pay for gas. Ok so the tentative meal plan for this week:

Pesto Pasta
Fish
Burgers/Hot Dogs
Beef Tamale Bake
Swiss Steak Supper
Pineapple/Orange Cake (ok so a dessert but had to try the recipe)

We went to Wegman's on Saturday morning which turns out not to be that bad of a time to go shopping. It was crazy but not as crazy as a typical weekend Wegman's trip which was odd since it was graduation weekend for so many high schools. I thought it would be much busier. Ok here is the damage:

3.19 - Potato Rolls
2.99 - Yogurt
1.88 - Milk
3.99 - OJ
1.29 - Eggs
1.99 - Shredded Cheese
1.19 - Whipped Topping
1.19 - Corn Meal
3.79 - Cran-Raspberry Juice
0.89- Angel Hair Pasta
0.89 -Rigatoni
0.89 - Penne Pasta
0.67 - Mandarin Oranges
1.99 - Salsa
0.99 - Crushed Pineapple
1.19 - Diced Tomatoes
0.99 - Cake Mix
1.99 - Honey Nut Cereal
0.39 - Pudding Mix
20.98 - Beer (2 - 12 packs)
0.99 - Tomato Sauce
6.01 - Beef Round Steak
18.04 - Ground Beef (7 lbs)
13.98 - Salmon
2.49 - Graduation Card
1.50 - Blueberries
2.50 - Raspberries
2.29 - Onions
1.71 - Green Beans
3.49 - Potatoes
1.31 - Bananas
1.00 - Kiwi
0.99 - Baby Carrots
7.99 - Coffee

We had a bunch of bottle returns and a $1 off coupon for the coffee. So in total we paid $113.05. Yikes. That is no where near the $60-75 weekly bill I am hoping to get down to. Now in fairness we stocked up a bit on this trip. We got 7 lbs of ground beef. I am using 2 lbs this week and putting 5 lbs in the freezer. We got frozen salmon which will last us for a few meals. Those two items alone total over $22. We did not buy any soda which usually costs us $10 but we did spend over $20 on beer. We stocked up on pasta ($3 or so) because we didn't have any in the pantry. So mixed feelings on the grocery trip. Good stocking up but still spending too much money. We have company coming into town for the weekend again so we will likely be hitting the grocery store before Saturday to get food for the weekend. I am hoping to keep the damage to a minimum but it is hard with big holiday cook-outs, etc. I am looking for a good red/white/blue dessert idea. Any suggestions?

Groceries

2010-06-19T18:27:00.001-07:00

I have been reading some other blogs that deal with saving money. One (http://www.trenchesofmommyhood.blogspot.com/) is currently trying to live the month of June on $1200. Now we couldn't live on 1200 seeing how our mortgage plus taxes plus utilities come to more then that each month. But it got me thinking about how much we have been spending on food lately. We are easily spending $100 or more on food a week and this is with us cutting out a lot of eating out. We still probably eat meals out 2-3 times a week. Jocelyn and I have been going to that STM breakfast each Thursday and that costs us around $10. Kevin and I and the baby typically will meet for a lunch out once a week so that will cost us $15-25 depending on where we go. Then if we do one dinner out we are taking probably another $20-35 again depending on where we go. So that is another lets say $50 on food. I feel like we need to cut our weekly grocery bill but I don't know how. Here is my latest grocery bill (now this is not a typical week, in fact this was just a trip to the store to get food for the weekend for the in laws visit):

3.39 Two packs of Thomas' English Muffins (buy one get one free saved 3.39)
2.99 Honet Nut Scooters
2.39 Shake and Pour Pancake mix
1.29 Cream Cheese
4.99 Two packs of ball park all beef franks (buy one get on free saved 4.99)
4.49 Bacon
4.19 1/2 lb Tavern Ham Deli Meat
2.00 Wheat Bread
2.29 Butter
1.99 Potato Buns
4.79 Chicken Breast
2.50 Lupos Marinade
0.99 Hot Dog buns
4.99 Cole Slaw
3.99 Two packages of Choc. Chip Cookies (buy one get one free saved 3.99)
2.79 Cool Whip
4.19 Ocean Spray Cran-Raspberry Juice
2.59 5 lb Sugar
3.00 1/2 lb Deli Cheese
5.98 2 packages frozen Raspberries
12.00 2 packages of Angel Soft (this was a sale)

I used a $2 off coupon from Enjoy the City. With tax, it all came to $76.77. That seems crazy to me. Now I am feeding 5 adults and one baby for basically 2 days. So far I have used 1/2 of one pack of English muffins (I'll freeze the second package), all the chicken, 1/2 a pack of hot dogs (will freeze the second pack), 1/2 a pack of rolls (will freeze the second pack), 1/2 the bacon, the marinade, cool whip, raspberries, cream cheese, some of the cole slaw and deli cheese. I figure we will use the pancake mix for breakfast and the deli meat/bread for lunch. Obviously the toilet paper won't be wasted. But I seriously can't believe that I spent that much on a quick trip to the store. I'll be away this coming week but next week I'll post our weekly menu and the grocery list. Ideally I'd like to get our weekly spending down to around $65-70 for groceries. As it stands with last week's initial $100 trip and this weekend's trip we are about $105 over that goal. I guess I need to get planning better and shopping smarter. Oh and my receipt says I saved 19.64 on this trip. Sure that makes me feel good but still I can't help thinking I can do a LOT better then that.

Zoo

2010-05-26T08:46:00.000-07:00

We went to the zoo with our great friends from STM. Here are some pictures:

Jocelyn is also standing up. Check it out:
Eating has improved a lot. She will typically try things now. There is evidence of swallowing in her diaper. She loves (LOVES) green beans and turkey. She seems to be a lot less interested in fruits now. Fruit used to be a go to but now it is green beans, turkey, and rice cake (or bread). She shared a grilled cheese with a friend at Panera the other day after the zoo. She even enjoyed some of my steak at Olive Garden when we took Auntie Shelly out for her birthday. Her pincher grip is starting to develop so even through BLW suggests giving strips of food she is doing really well will smaller pieces. She seems to do better with small pieces of things then big strips. The big pieces end up getting thrown to the dogs. Found another thing the dogs do not like to eat, watermelon. :-)

In potty news, we have been slacking a little with the potty since vacation. We are trying to get back into putting her on the potty after waking up. We can brag that we had a poop on the potty one morning. That was very exciting. I think once she starts eating more regularly we might start adding in potty break after meals and see what other stuff we can luck into.

Swimming

2010-05-12T08:11:00.000-07:00

So we went to California for a wedding and were able to take Jocelyn to the pool at the hotel. Here she is in her suit:

Here she is in the pool:

She had a blast. She also got to try turkey sausage at the hotel breakfast. She loved it. She actually had pieces in her mouth and swallowed some. BLW is still going slowly. Most days we make a big mess more then anything. She got some gerber puffs today from a friend at breakfast. She actually did pretty well with them. So while I was going to avoid processed packaged baby foods we will probably buy some just as an extra to have. It seems like something easy to keep in the diaper bag for when we are out.

Pictures

2010-04-26T08:56:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures, first Jocelyn on the potty. A typically day involves 2-3 visits to the potty and successful pees just about every time.

First foods, broccoli and carrots steamed, she didn't know what to do with them.
Next up a banana... At first, it was just a cool new play thing but I have seen her actually gumming some banana now.

Her favorite food so far is peach. Here she actually got one into her mouth.

Some words on the potty

2010-04-22T19:03:00.000-07:00

So just to update we have given Jocelyn peaches and rice cake. Both have made it to her mouth. :-) The dogs surprisingly are not fans of peaches but they do fight over a dropped rice cake.

I recently read the book Diaper Free Before 3 and wanted to share a little bit about how I am using the book. Jocelyn is just over 6 months old and she will pee on the potty (yes really she does. I'm not making this stuff up) anywhere from 1 to 3 times a day. The book explained that building the potty into a daily routine helps to get the child potty trained. The author suggests that the best times to add the potty are right after waking (either first thing in the morning or after a nap), right after eating, or before bath. So one day Jocelyn woke up from her nap and her diaper was dry. I thought hmm let's try this potty thing. So I held her over the toilet and made some psst noises and won't you know it she peed. I was so proud I wanted to run out and tell the whole neighborhood. She was not even 6 months old and had peed on the potty. At this point I was hooked. I went out and bought an infant potty and we have been using it anywhere from 1 to 3 times a day. For now, I have been just putting her on it when she wakes up from a nap or in the morning. In fact, I have found that if I don't put her on it after a nap she will pee while I am trying to put on a new diaper. (That was a fun discovery to make) I had a few objections to the book. The main one being the author's bias to bottle feeding. However, I do have to say the principles about starting early and that babies can use the potty at a young age have converted me. Jocelyn might just find some cotton underwear in her pile of gifts for her first birthday. I am not naive enough to expect that she will be trained by then but I am thinking 18 months might be a good goal to aim for. Each time she pees I am still in awe and she smiles at me like 'aw mom it is so nice not to be sitting in my own urine.' Ok so maybe she isn't thinking that but she sure is a cutie. I'll have to get a picture of her on her potty.

Food and 6 month appt

2010-04-19T12:09:00.000-07:00

So Jocelyn made it to 6 months on breast milk alone. :-) I'm so proud. We are taking the baby led weaning approach to solids which basically skips purees and goes straight to finger foods and the baby feeds herself. So far we have offered her steamed carrots and broccoli as well as raw cucumber and banana. The dogs are really enjoying this as they have had carrots, broccoli, and banana so far. Jocelyn licked the carrots and put the cucumber in her mouth. So it is slow going but I know she'll get the hang of it. Plus it isn't like she is hurting for food. She weighed 17 lbs at her 6 month appointment (75th percentile) and was 28.5 inches long (off the charts). So she is growing just fine. We have some pictures of the first foods that I'll have to get off the camera soon. She is also 'crawling'. She basically can drag herself where ever she wants to go. All fours can't be too far behind. The doctor said to get baby proofing as she will likely be walking around 9 months.

Long time

2010-04-13T11:31:00.000-07:00

It has been a very long time since I updated this blog. Baby has arrived. 7 lb 11 oz 21 in long girl on October 16, 2009 after a two day failed induction due to low fluids around the baby. A c-section was not what I had wanted but the birth story will wait for another day. She is the love of our lives. So beautiful and funny and smart and activate. Her name is Jocelyn. She will be 6 months old at the end of this week. I am proud to say that she has been exclusively breastfed since birth. No formula here. We even survived my gall bladder surgery without supplementing (that's a story for another day). So we are about to embark on the world of solid foods with Jocelyn. I have been doing a lot of reading and have decided to go with the baby led weaning approach to solids. Basically, it allows the baby to feed herself from about 6 months on regular adult table foods like broccoli, carrots, bananas, pork, etc. No purees, no force feeding. Just a baby exploring and enjoying her food along side her parents. I'm hoping to document this journey and a few others on this blog. For more information on BLW, check out these sites:

Baby-led Weaning - based around the book by Gil Rapley
BLW blog - two moms following their children's journey through solids

So now how about some pictures:

In the hospital

First day home

First Christmas

In her Easter Dress

Smiling :-)

I give up on pictures

2009-08-31T17:48:00.000-07:00

Ok I have sat here and tried to upload pictures. I have tried to upload them from picasa links. It just doesn't work. So you are stuck with a link to an album again. Sorry.

Anyway that album has some pictures of the decorations at the shower this weekend plus the nursery with the crib bedding in it. Enjoy.

Quick Update

2009-08-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

Sorry. I have been really horrible about updating the blog. If you are on facebook, then you have probably seen some of these pictures but here are some nursery and u/s pictures. We are off to our first baby shower this weekend so I'll hopefully have more stuff to update the blog with. I also have some finished knitting to post but I haven't gotten an pictures yet. Ok so the nursery and the most recent u/s.

Enjoy!

Hmm I can't figure out why the u/s pictures aren't working. I'll have to work on those later. For now here is a link to the picasa album:

3d u/s

Babies babies everywhere

2009-07-24T07:41:00.000-07:00

So my best friend just had her second girl yesterday. Another friend is due at the end of the month. In fact, there are babies due to arrive from now until November. So many babies this year.

We ordered the crib and glider from babies are us. The room is painted and we have the curtains hung. Next on the list is to find a ped.

I've been knitting a blanket for a friend and the baby sweater has been on break. I'll have to get back to it eventually.

Oh well not much really to report other then things seem well here. We had out first child care class last night. I think we aced swaddling and diaper changing. Although Kevin did point out he did it faster then me. :-) That's all for now.

More pictures

2009-07-16T06:58:00.000-07:00

We had another u/s yesterday to check on the baby's growth. The baby is in the 30th percentile so on the small side. The doctor isn't worried but is going to keep an eye on the growth with likely at least one more u/s. The heartbeat was 157 bpm. The kiddo was sleepy. He/She was all curled up in a ball and didn't want to move. The tech said even if we wanted to know the sex she couldn't have told us. Pictures aren't as good as earlier but here you go:

It is a face!

Side/spine shot

Almost 24 weeks

2009-06-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

Pretty basic boring appointment today. Everything looked good. Heartbeat was in the 150s. I got the paper work for the glucose test and for another u/s in 3 weeks. I am getting a little tired of the "Oh you don't look very big" comments. Sorry. I have no idea how big I should look. It definitely depends on the shirt I'm wearing I think. Doctor said I was within normal measurements. So I'm not real worried. I haven't gained all that much weight still which I'm happy about but the kiddo should start gaining a lot more over the next few weeks so I expect to see the pounds start to pack on a little bit more.

I don't think I ever posted this on any of the other updates but we are over half way there. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Actually according to my niffy iphone app, we have 16 weeks and 3 days or 115 days left to go. Maybe I'll go get one of those ticker count downs for the blog.

We had a party over the weekend for Kevin's graduation. Thanks to everyone who came and braved the massive downpours. Our vision of a sunny BBQ went out the window. We ended up with pizza and wings in the garage but at least we were dry. Plus the new Wii got a work out. Now if we could only stop fighting over who plays Zelda first. :-)

Back from vacation

2009-06-15T06:32:00.001-07:00

Well I just enjoyed a beautiful week in Fort Lauderdale. It was awesome. :-) We did the beach, pool, air boat, water taxi, and lots and lots of food. It was pretty warm but I survived. Unfortunately, I am back at work now. I have put pictures up on picasa.

In other news, I started to feel the baby move on vacation. Kevin even felt a kick from the outside. So yes there is actually a baby in there and I'm not just getting fat. That or it is some wicked gas. ;-) Just kidding.

Appointment update

2009-06-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

So we saw the doctor today. Everyone looks good. The baby's heartbeat was 160. She went over the results of the u/s last week. So as of last Wednesday, May 27th the baby was:

Measuring at 20 w 2 days
12 oz
In the 40th percentile for size (so not a huge baby but mostly average)
Had all the major parts necessary for life (heart, brain, etc)
The heartbeat at the time was 147

Plus we found out that placenta is anterior which explains why I haven't felt much moment. The placenta is acting like a little pillow and the kicks and punches aren't strong enough to go through it yet. So hopefully as this little one gets bigger, I'll starting feeling some activity. But all in all a very good appointment. We have our interview with a doula tomorrow. I'm hoping it goes well. And today is our 3 year anniversary. Can you believe it? 3 years. Go us. Love you hubby. :-)

U/S pictures

2009-05-27T15:25:00.000-07:00

We had the big u/s today. We were very strong and did not find out the sex. So here are the pictures:

Baby update

2009-05-19T08:11:00.000-07:00

We had another appointment last week. The baby's heartbeat was 160 bpm and I was measuring at 19 cm. I have no idea what that means. But things look good. The big u/s is on the 27th so I hope to have new pictures then. We are not planning to find out the sex (sorry to all of you who will have to deal with green and yellow baby clothes and knitting.) :-)

I did start a sweater for the baby. It is the Trellis found on knitty.com. I'll have to get pictures up. It is slow going with all the details.

Kevin seems to think I've started showing and I've heard it from a few people at church too so it might be true. I think I'm just looking fat. No confirmed baby movements yet but I felt a bubble pop like sensation on Saturday. It could have been the baby, it could have been gas, who knows. Doctor says I should feel more movement by 20 weeks or so.

I'm getting excited for our 'baby moon'. We are going to Florida in June. I want to just lay on the beach and maybe get a massage. Nice relaxing, sunny, vacation before the baby shows up. Thats all for now. Look for u/s pictures in the next few weeks.

Look what I had in Brussels

2009-05-19T08:07:00.000-07:00

Yummy yummy. Yes that is a waffle with ice cream and strawberries. Two days earlier I had a waffle with ice cream, chocolate (hot fudge), and whipped cream. By far one of the best parts of the trip.

I'm in Brussels

2009-05-04T02:58:00.000-07:00

Whoa!!! On a business trip in Belgium. I am looking forward to chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate. I mean I am missing out on all the beer so I should enjoy what I can right?

A long journey but a hopeful outcome

2009-04-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

So finally after 21 months of ups and downs (well mostly downs), I can announce with some confidence that I am pregnant. :-) I even have a picture to prove it. Here is the little one taken at 10 weeks. You can see the head and legs. The baby was dancing for us.

I am almost 16 weeks now and waiting to feel the baby move for myself. The due date is October 17. I got to thinking about this journey I've been on. 21 months from start to finish trying to conceive. One miscarriage at 7 weeks. Multiple fertility tests. A referral to a fertility specialist and then bam this pregnancy. We had filled out the paper work for the specialist and were just waiting on my period to do the rest of the tests before we looked at IVF. I feel very blessed by this pregnancy. I'm concluded that we (the hubby and I) must be seasonal as both pregnancies were conceived in January. I want to enjoy this pregnancy and not focus on the past negatives but I also want others to know that people do struggle and if you ever find yourself struggling to get or stay pregnant, that you are not alone.

I suspect that this blog will probably turn into a bit of a baby blog for the next few months. I'll try to throw some knitting and dogs in from time to time. :-)

A friend set up a guessing game for me. You are all welcome to take a stab at guessing. I'm not sure if the link will work but the game is at http://expectnet.com/game.php and is referenced by adams_baby. Happy guessing. Me? I don't have a feeling yet. I'm just praying for a healthy full term baby.

Wow long time no post

2009-03-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

Yes I know I have been slacking. I have some pictures to put up but they are on the other computer so they will have to wait. I can't believe it is March already. Lots has been going on. Kevin had a birthday and I managed to buy him stuff that he actually liked. I survived the one year anniversary of the miscarriage. It was rough but not near as bad as I would have expected it to be. A year brings a lot of healing. Oh well I'm looking forward to a much better 2009. I read a horrible book for book club, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz. (Not sure how to underline in this blog editor) It is the 2008 Pulitzer Prize winner for fiction but it is so not my type of book. Too much blood and death and sadness. But it is a decent history of the Dominican Republic. So read it as at your own risk. Ok hoping to have pictures up soon.

Twitter

2009-01-28T07:34:00.001-08:00

Ok I joined Twitter. Why? Well mainly because the Yarn Harlot is on Twitter. Yes I am a shameless Yarn Harlot stalker. I'm TracyA99 on there so find me. Right now I don't have very many things to follow.

Another Review

2009-01-28T07:26:00.000-08:00

Empty Womb, Aching Heart: Hope and Help for Those Struggling With Infertility by Marlo Schalesky

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
I related a lot to what was said in this book. I cried through some of the stories as the questions raised hit home for me. I do think that some people could be turned off by the last story in this book. I know it was trying to convey another story about how God can make you a mother but I think the lesbian piece of it could cause controversy depending on your specific beliefs. Otherwise, I have no complaints.

View all my reviews.

A book review

2009-01-19T05:57:00.000-08:00

I just read The Shack by William P. Young. There is a website set up for it here. I found the book very moving. I will admit I knew a little bit about the book before reading it as I heard a sermon on the book at a local church. So I went into the book with high expectations. I knew it was fiction and I knew that it wouldn't solve all my problems. But I felt like I could relate to the main character a little bit. Mack is a father who loses his 6 year old daughter in an extremely brutal way. He has a lot of anger. I have a lot of anger. I am still anger about the miscarriage and I am angry about dealing with infertility on top of all of that. So I was hoping to get something out of this book to help me let go of some of my anger.

All in all the book was good. There were moments I cried when the characters said things that I totally felt. Like when Mack said he felt so lost. I just started crying because I have said that same thing myself. But there were other times when the story was too predictable and I remembered it was just fiction. It did give me another perspective and helped me with my anger. I am still angry but I feel like I can talk to God more directly about it. I just started reading Empty Womb, Aching Heart by Marlo Schalesy. It is a series of short true stories of women and families dealing with fertility issues and their own faith journey with God. I think reading The Shack made me more open to reading this book. Before I think I would have been to angry to read their stories.

So should you read The Shack? I think so. I think even if you haven't had a horrible tragedy this it is a new look on God. I was taken back at first by the way God was written in the book. I found Jesus a much easier character to accept but I think the characters were written that way to get the story across. Even if you aren't a Christian or do not believe in God, this book is a good story and an interesting work of fiction.

My first pattern

2009-01-18T10:17:00.000-08:00

I recently made a sweater for my friend's daughter and had a bit of yarn left over. I decided to make a head band to go with sweater. The lace pattern is a chevron lace pattern adapted to be used in the round. Here is my attempt at writing up the pattern:

Lace Head Band

Child size

Lace Pattern (worked on 11 sts)

Round 1: Knit all stitches

Round 2: K3, K2tog, yo, K1, yo, SSK, K3

Round 3: Knit all stitches

Round 4: K2, K2tog, yo, K3, yo, SSK, K2

Round 5: Knit all stitches

Round 6: K1, K2tog, yo, K5, yo SSK, K1

Round 7: Knit all stitches

Round 8: K2tog, yo, K7, yo, SSK

Gauge: 5 stitches per inch in stockenitte on US 5

This pattern is easy to adjust in size by adding or decreasing a lace repeat.

Yarn: Plymouth Yarn Wildflower DK (took less then a ¼ skein)

Needle: Size US 5 circular for magic loop

Cast on in multiples of 11. For a child size to fit a 6 -12 month old, I cast on 77 sts (so 7 pattern repeats.) Hint: Place marker after every 11 sts.

Cast on and join in round being careful not to twist.

Round 1: (worked on 77 sts) [K2, P2] repeat until last st, K1

Round 2: repeat round 1

Lace pattern (worked over 77 sts)

Round 11: repeat round 1

Round 12: repeat round 2

Cast off loosely

Weave in ends

Here is a picture of the finished product (I'll have to get a shot on a child soon):

Rose Bowl Parade

2009-01-14T13:14:00.000-08:00

Some pictures from the parade:

Fly over by a bomber (B2 I think)

The blue band:

I have a lot more pictures. I put them out in a web album with picasa. I am going to try to figure out how to link to the web album from the blog. Stay tuned.

Ok got the web album page. Fingers crossed that works. Tons of pictures in there. A lot that aren't all that great but I figured I'd share them all instead of trying to pic and choose.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-09T07:14:00.000-08:00

Yes I know. I haven't posted in weeks. Sorry about that. My holidays were pretty good. I got some cool stuff for Christmas including a new camera which is awesome. I will work on putting some pictures up this weekend. The hubby and I went to the Rose Bowl where Penn State preceded to dominate USC for 3 out of the 4 quarters. Too bad we had to count that 2nd quarter or else we would have won. Totally worth the trip anyway.

I have only made one new year's resolution and that is to put myself first. Hopefully this will help me to focus on what is important to me and declutter my life and help my sanity. :-)

Spinning

2008-12-12T06:02:00.000-08:00

Sorry it has been a long time since I made a post but I think I have a good reason. There were holidays and traveling. New news. I got a wheel. :-) I purchases as a happy birthday/ merry Christmas present to myself as Ashford Traveller. It came on Monday and I already have 3 bobbins full. I am hoping to do some plying on Saturday. I had a mini party to put it together. Mr. Basset came over with his human to help.

Amanda and Stephanie where also there. Here is the wheel.

Here is me spinning.

Here is a picture of a full bobbin.

The purple was done from pencil roving by all 4 of us on Monday (Georg, Steph, Amanda, and Kevin). I don't know much about the roving but it was donated by Georg and a great way to get used to using the wheel.

Yes I said Kevin. He gave it a try. I hope I don't have to fight with him over who gets to spin. :-)

Professor

2008-11-14T09:43:00.000-08:00

Yes, for a week I was a professor. I taught a week of a survey course on z/VM at Binghamton University. It was a lot of fun (and work). So is a life of academia in my future? Doubtful but I could get used to this guest lecturer gig.

The Election is over

2008-11-07T06:39:00.000-08:00

Obama won. People are happy. People are sad. Either way, let's see what happens in the next few years. I'm going to hang on because it should be an interesting ride. I have so happy to hear of so many people voting. I hope that that trend will continue in local and state elections and that people don't show up only at the national level. So much can change at a state and local level that we shouldn't ignore that.

Halloween

2008-10-31T06:33:00.001-07:00

Dogs are dressed up again (kind of). Here you have Milo and Mieke ready for the trick or treaters.

What I got at Rhinebeck

2008-10-25T13:15:00.000-07:00

Ok here are some pictures as promised. First my new golding spindle. Love it.

Got a really good deal on fiber. Buy 4 get 1 free and the balls were only $7 to begin with.

Got some half price alpace and llama plus some wool/tencel blend and other wools.

Long time

2008-10-22T08:15:00.000-07:00

Sorry it has been a long time without a post. I was out of town on a work trip to LAS VEGAS. It was fun but exhausting. Then I went to RHINEBECK. Awesome. Lots to tell and pictures to post but no time right now. Just wanted to create a post to let all my loyal readers (all .5 of you) that I'm still alive. Today is a very sad day (very sad) but I'm still here. Back with lots of pictures and stuff from my trips later in the week.

Why is today sad? Well if I hadn't miscarried today would have been my due date. Plus on top of that still not pregnant again.... :-( So I'm sad. I try not to make this blog depressing but on a day like this I think I have a right to say that the world isn't fair and it all pisses me off and that I'm sad and I miss my baby and I just want to be a mommy and .... Well I could go on forever but I'm trying not to cry. So yeah that's me today. Sad.

Floors

2008-10-07T14:02:00.001-07:00

The hardwood floor installation began today. The house is a mess but it should be worth it.

I told you so

2008-10-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

UGH... so I get to say I told you so. I really didn't want to be right because well the person who was wrong is a doctor. And I want to trust my doctor. But no I was right. I was right in saying that if my TSH was 2.88 on 85mcgs and .16 on 100 mcgs that switching to 75 mcgs was not going to make it fall between 2.5 and 1. I told the nurse my concerns. I tried to explain the math I was using to her. She talked to the doctor but decided that 75 mcgs was the correct amount.... So now my TSH is 26.5. Hello that's a +26 point jump in a month. And I feel horrible because of it. Here I thought I just wasn't getting enough sleep and that my life must just be super crappy lately because I was feeling so tired and weak and depressed. (This could still be possible) But I checked the symptoms of Hypothyroidism (which is what I have) and they are:

Severe fatigue, loss of energy, persistent sleepiness
Weight gain, difficulty losing weight
Depressed mood
Joint and muscle pain
Dry skin, brittle nails and hair, thinning hair
Irregular periods

So ugh... I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease in March of 2007. At that time my highest TSH was 14 and I can't say I felt sick or had any symptoms. Over a year later I'm still trying to get my levels into what I consider a good ranger (1 to 2.5) and it feels like we are going backwards not forward. Is it time for a new doctor? Maybe....

Aspineration

2008-10-03T07:21:00.000-07:00

The knitting crew aspinerated Amanda this Tuesday. Check it out.

Word is she loves it. I think she'll have her first skein done before me... My knitting? I've been fighting with the knot from hell the last week. I predict some scissors and cursing in the future.

More paint

2008-09-26T06:17:00.000-07:00

Ok so the hubby wasn't thrilled with the purple in the hallway. So we changed it on Wednesday night. (Starting to not like painting so much but getting pretty good at cutting in.) So the hallway is now a beige/peach color like the giant wall was when we moved it. I got the color matched at home depot. It looks pretty darn close but not perfect. Good thing the two walls are next to each other. We also made the half way all green. Pictures didn't turn out so well but here you go.

As you come up the stairs:

Looking down the hallway:

The half wall:
In other news, I got a great swap package from the bulb swap that ran on the Healing after Pregnancy Lost group on Ravelry (background blog post). Thanks to AKFrog!

In the box:
Dutch Iris
Hyacinth
Gloves
Dog treat dispenser
Balls for the dogs
Yarn - Purple Lopi Reynolds
sheep measuring tape
scissors
plant markers

Milo enjoyed the balls that came in the swap.

In knitting news, I haven't made my own nanners yet from WendyKnits pattern. But due to some good luck on my part and a crappy swap partner on Stephanie's side, I inherited a pair. So cute and comfy. Steph made these out of panda cotton.

Finally I made a killing at the Finger lakes fiber festival without even going. Heather aka Daisymoms was my personal shopper for the weekend and came back with 4 oz of Blue Face Leicester, 2 oz wool/silk blend, and 4 oz fine alpace/silk blend. I'm in heaven. Now I just need to finish some of my holiday knitting so I can get back to spinning.

Wallpaper

2008-09-21T17:51:00.000-07:00

Ok so the task at hand for the weekend (and the reason why I broke my Friday posting streak) was wallpaper removal. Here are some in process shots:

Stephanie came over and helped. We got almost all the paper down on Friday. We put our heads together and came up with a 'safe' way to access the wall beside the stairs.

Primed and painted and we were done by dinner time on Saturday. Now the kitchen is called slippery rock and is obviously green. I love it. The living room, stairs and hallway are painted in museum rose which is a purple/brown color. I really like it. The hubby is coming around but I think some changes will be needed. Finished pictures to come in a month or so when the new floor is in. Can't wait.

Pictures as promised

2008-09-12T08:19:00.000-07:00

Ok for two weeks I've been promising pictures. Here we go.

My sweater (not the best picture but I tried. The actual sweater turned out AWESOME.):

My first spinning attempt:

A totally awesome knit night (we watched Black Sheep baaaaaad movie) :-)

More pictures from Rascal aka Mr Basset's visit

And last but not least it is football season and the dogs are cheering on their favorite teams:

Yikes Friday already

2008-09-05T11:45:00.000-07:00

Well it is Friday again. Where does the time go? I'm trying to keep up my weekly posts but yet again this week I have no pictures... Sorry.

I finished my sweater yesterday at B&N. Stephanie got me a roaring round of applause from the general B&N regulars. It looks great but you'll have to take my word on it until I get some pictures taken.

Had a good work week. Worked Tuesday. Had a company picnic all day Wednesday. Then finished up with work Thursday and today. I could get used to these 3 day work weeks.

The hubby and I are off to a wedding tomorrow. So no Penn State game for us. Hopefully, we will be able to catch some of it in between the wedding and the reception. I feel bad for the bride and groom. The weather forecast for tomorrow is 100% chance of rain up to 1 inch. Well it is suppose to be good luck to have rain on your wedding day. So they should never run out of luck. :-)

WE ARE!!!

2008-08-29T09:58:00.000-07:00

PENN STATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First Penn State game tomorrow. I'll be there.

In other news I got aspinerated. Long story. I'll have pictures next week.

It is a short post but I'm trying to keep my one post a week streak going. More next week.

A Basset and a Bag

2008-08-22T11:18:00.000-07:00

We are dog sitting for a friend. Meet Rascal aka Mr. Bassett.

What do Milo and Mieke think of him? Well a picture is worth a thousand words:

They were unsure at first but now they don't seem to care. Everyone is existing in peaceful indifference.

In other news, the great, amazing, totally awesome Stephanie made me a sock bag. Isn't it awesome?

See the pattern pocket. Brilliant.

Love the color.
Check out the inside. It holds up to 3 skeins of yarn so you could have 3 socks going at the same time.

Now I just have to suck up to her enough to get the small sock bag that holds one skein and can be a general purse. :-) At one point she was going to open an Esty shop and sell these. Not sure of her plans now but I know I would buy the small one.

Sweater and socks

2008-08-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

I finished my socks out of Blue Hand Fiber's Mrs. Norris sock yarn. :-)

They are redoing our street. Here the dogs keep watch over the milling machine.

I started my first adult sweater (for me). It is the wonderful wallaby pattern I bought at Spin a Yarn. I got the yarn from Knit picks. It is the Iris Heather colorway. Look a sleeve. :-)

This is the body of the sweater. I'm making the sweater as part of the Ravelympics's Sweater Sprint. I'm suppose to finish by the end of the Olympics... not sure if I'll make it but it is fun trying.

Went to the zoo

2008-08-15T07:03:00.000-07:00

I went to the Ross Park Zoo and I FORGOT my camera. Which totally sucked because I was like 3 feet from the penquins. And the leopards were out and moving around. The tiger was sleeping but would have made a good picture. Plus the bear was in the funniest position. He (she?) was laying on his back with his paws up. All spread out. He looked like a hung over college student (only in a bear costume). I think it is kind of funny that every time I go to type bear I accidently type beer and have to fix it. :-) Must be Friday.

In order news, we (the hubby and I) are doing the South Beach Diet again. So far so good. I think I've lost 4-6 lbs and the hubby a lot more (over 10). It isn't too hard but I'm looking forward to cereal again for breakfast. I cheat a bit by still having my starbuck's cookie on Tuesday at B&N during knitting. But hey you have to have a treat every now and then. FYI the starbuck's cookies are not at all good for you. But I try not to think about that. :-)

Food, socks, and stuff

2008-08-03T13:18:00.000-07:00

Announcing my first tomatoes. This year I planted a few tomato plants. I'm very proud as growing up my Dad did most of the gardening.

A good picture of Milo. Mieke wouldn't look at the camera long enough for me to get a good shot. She must be camera shy.

A sock made from Blue Hands Fiber Mrs. Norris colorway. Very basic stockinette with an eye of partidge heel and 2x2 twisted ribbing for the cuff. I feel so proud. This one sock took forever because I dropped stitches and then bound off too tight. I think I am going to start a new sock before I finish this pair. Can we say second sock syndrome?

Random stuff

2008-07-27T17:40:00.000-07:00

The hubby and I went to Danville, PA last weekend for the Iron Heritage Festival. It was an extremely hot weekend but we saw some cool stuff. Here is the Civil War re-enactment encampment. They fired that gun at us.

I saw spinners. Some day maybe I'll learn how to spin but for now I'll just watch.

And I found a yarn store. Swisher's Yarn Basket was going to set up on the main street with rocking chairs and learn to knit lessons but decided to stay inside due to the heat. I bought some yarn to make a felted french market bag. (As if I needed anymore yarn)

Well that was the Danville weekend. This weekend my mom and sister came up and we went to Seneca lake. A few weekends ago we took the hubby's parents to Keuka lake. We now have way too much wine. Here is a shot I took from Glenora winery.
Finished up the weekend with a very wet trip to the Warped Tour. We saw Real Big Fish (not Big Real Fish as I kept calling them), Reliant K, and Angels and Airwaves plus a few more. It poured on us at time but it was fun.

In other news, we got our Syracuse tickets and our season tickets. :-)

I'm on Plurk

2008-07-23T06:23:00.000-07:00

Ok so I gave in and I'm on Plurk now. You can see the cute little time line in the corner. More to come later.

Basement Update

2008-07-13T14:47:00.000-07:00

The carpet is in:

The walls are fixed and painted. The floor is in the bathroom.

The new couch has arrived. (I couldn't get a picture of the whole thing but this one is pretty good.)

And I finished my first pair of socks for SOS 08.

Not a bad week. Next is the trim in the basement. Load the room back up to be usable and get the bathroom put back together. So hopefully by this time next week I'll be watching tv on my new couch while knitting my second pair of socks. :-)

The flood

2008-05-29T05:33:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't heard, our basement flooded 2 weeks ago Friday. The toilet tank cracked (who the heck ever heard of a toilet tank cracking...) and all the carpet was ruined. So thus begins our journey to re-do our basement. Hopefully all the wood paneling will be gone soon and we will have new carpet and furniture. I'll have to look for some before pictures. Here are some pictures from the aftermath:

Nobody knew you

2008-05-29T05:31:00.001-07:00

Someone posted this poem from Mothering on a pregnancy loss forum. I think it is very fitting:

http://www.mothering.com/sections/poems/nobody.html

Nobody Knew You

Nobody knew you
" Sorry about the miscarriage dear, but you couldn't have been very far along."
...existed.

Nobody knew you
" It's not as though you lost an actual person."
...were real

Nobody knew you
" Well it probably wasn't a viable fetus.
It's all for the best."
...were perfect.

Nobody knew you
" You can always have another!"
...were unique.

Nobody knew you
" You already have a beautiful child. Be happy!"
...were loved for yourself.

Nobody knew you
...but us.

And we will always remember
...You.

By Jan Cosby

I want to be a Tigger

2008-04-21T06:44:00.000-07:00

but I feel like an Eeyore...

Great lecture by Randy Pausch here on youtube. I watched the Diane Sawyer interview and pretty much cried through the entire thing. With all that has happened in the last few months in my life, his message really spoke to me. His comment about brick walls hit home for me:

"Brick walls are there for a reason. They let us prove how badly we want things."

If you have a chance to listen to his lecture, I highly recommend it. He also has a book.

Some thoughts

2008-04-04T12:27:00.000-07:00

After my last post, I realized that basically no one reads my blog. Well I didn't just realize that I knew it but anyway. So I'll likely need a better way to spread the news of the miscarriage. It just doesn't seem like something you bring up in normal conversation.

Hey, how are you? Haven't seen you in awhile...

I'm ok. I was pregnant but now I'm not. How about you?

But yet an email seems not much better then just posting on this blog. (Well except that people will read it.) Maybe I'll send an email with a link to this blog. Kill two birds with one stone. Tell everyone and gain readership.

Some useful links:

BabyFruit - her post about celebrity miscarriages is interested along with her own struggles to have a baby
Newsweek article - I loved this article. It says so much and is part of what convinced me that I should tell more people
General info
There are also a ton of great discussion forums on line.

I read a great quote on line. I can't find a link to it right now but it went something like this. A girl was talking about how she felt so bad for being so upset over her miscarriage because other people where dealing with things 100 times worse then an early miscarriage. The response came back:

'If it was your birthday, would you skip celebrating because somewhere there is someone celebrating something more exciting then your birthday?'

March 5

2008-04-02T07:45:00.000-07:00

March 5th was the worse day of my life. On March 5th, I started to miscarriage my first child at 7 weeks pregnant. Why am I writing about this? Do I want to share all the gory details of the experience? Not particularly but if you want to know I'll tell you. Is it because I want everyone's pity? No, I don't think I should be treated any differently then if you didn't know. Is it because I now hate all pregnant women and babies? No but yes it is a little harder to get excited when people share their baby news. It is because miscarriages are such a silent burden. Women are some how made to feel assumed of them and that they should not be talked about. It took me almost a month to decide to write this and I did it because I want other women (husbands and their families) to know they are not alone if they go through a miscarriage. We should be able to talk about this openly and not just for the first few days afterwards. Women should not be told to get over it after a week or made to feel like their grief isn't real because it was only an embryo. Me? I've had a great support system with family and a few close friends but I know others probably suffer through this in silence. I found the internet and on line message boards a great source of strength and a way to connect with others with similar experiences. But it would be my hope (sorry if this is too ‘I had a dream’....) women could turn to their immediate friends and neighbors to find support and strength through shared experiences. This will only happen if we talk about miscarriages, stillbirths, and infant losses instead of burying them deep inside. So this post is the start of my attempting to be open about what happened. If you have a similar experience or just want to talk, don't hesitate to contact me.

My emotions... my emotions have been all over the place. There are good days and bad days. I do no think I will ever be 'over' this. I don't know if I have accepted it yet. I know I can't change it but I am still searching for answers. I will probably never get answers but I don't think I'll ever stop hoping for some kind of explanation. I don't think I'll ever stop wondering why.

Some advice: I have found that there is nothing that anyone can say to make me feel better. People try. People say oh it was early or it was probably better to happen now then later. Or it just wasn't meant to be or you'll have another chance at a baby. They mean well but all I needed when I was having a bad day was someone to give me a hug, let me cry, and to listen to me without trying to explain away my feelings. You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to angry and sad and hurt. You shouldn't expect to snap out of it over night or in a week or just because someone thinks you should move one. It will take time and like I said before there will be good days and bad days. The goal is that the bad days will be further and further apart.

I could probably write a book on this but I'm going to stop now. Thank you for listening to me. Let's provide support and love for women who have gone through a pregnancy loss and not keep the experiences hidden.

LYS - first kntting post

2008-01-27T13:11:00.000-08:00

Up until now this hasn't been a knitting blog. But I figured since this blog is linked off of ravelry. I should do a few entries about knitting. So here is the first.

I visited a local yarn store (LYS) on Saturday call Spin a Yarn. The staff at Spin A Yarn was great. I really enjoyed browsing all the yarn. I signed up for a yarn class so hopefully I'll learn how to substitute yarn in patterns. I bought some yarn to make a baby blanket for a friend who is expecting.

I also finished a few other projects over the weekend. I made an owl dish cloth from a pattern my friend recommended:

Plus I made a baby hat from some yarn I had left over:

I need to finish my first sock attempt. I have one sock made but I'm having trouble convincing myself to start the second. Second sock syndrome has hit hard. :-/

A New Year... A New Dog

2008-01-20T11:48:00.000-08:00

So the holidays kept me pretty busy. Plus my husband found my blog. I wasn't hiding it from him. I just didn't think he would care. Well he made fun of me for about a week. My theory is he'll have his own blog by the end of the month. :-)

We got a new puppy a few weeks after the holidays. His name is Milo. He is a mini-long haired dachshund. He is about 6 months old and is getting along well with Mieke. We survived the first few nights of non-stop crying. Housebreaking is going slowly. Here he is with Mieke, snoozing on the couch:

On the dog bed

What a cute face

Frustrated....

2007-12-18T09:11:00.000-08:00

**** Editor's note **** I had a very long rant about some repairman problems I was having. But it worked out ok in the end so I decided to take the post down. I did have an aisle 5 moment. If you know me or my family, you will understand. :-)

The only random tangent I kept from my original post:

On a happier note, I got my Christmas gifts from my husband early. We travel a lot around the holidays and instead of traveling with even more gifts we exchanged gifts on Sunday. I got the new Mercy Me cd, All That is With Me.

Pierogi Day was a SUCCESS!!!

2007-12-16T13:43:00.000-08:00

I wish I had pictures. Karen, Yanique, and I had so much fun making pierogi's. I can't wait to have some for dinner. Sure there was the occasional toilet malfunction and flying flour but given that I'm a first time pierogi maker, I think I did pretty darn good. I can't wait to try to make them one my own. :-) Maybe I'll try to get a picture of the finished product at dinner tonight.

A little late - but Halloween pics

2007-12-13T05:47:00.000-08:00

Pictures of Mieke at Halloween:

She is a spider :-)

She loves her window seat. I'm so proud. I made the cushion and stained the trim.

Holiday Shopping

2007-12-10T04:52:00.000-08:00

Holy Cow! That was an expensive weekend. But all of my Christmas shopping is none and everything is wrapped. :-) Go me!!! My husband and I indulged in a few gifts for ourselves. So that definitely raised the total bill. Next on my list, baking.... I'm not sure what I'm going to make this year. I'm addicted to Alton Brown and the food network so I'm sure I'll find some new cookie recipes on there. Yum.

Taxes and stuff

2007-12-07T04:48:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking about taxes today. I got an email about what to do now to avoid tax problems in the spring. It talked about defering your year end bonus (who the heck gets a year end bonus? I don't). Contributing to an IRA, charitable donations, etc. I guess I need to get my bag together for the salvation army. It is pretty cool that you have a chance to deduct charitable donations. Of course, you have to itemize to do it. If I were president (and I will never be president, too much butt kissing for me), I'd make all charitable donations tax deductible. They would just come off the top like the standard deduction.

Alright enough rambling about taxes. April is a long ways away. I am pretty proud to have 3 blog posts in a row. Of course no one is reading this. Which I have to say I'm ok with. If people started reading it, then I wouldn't feel so much like I'm talking to myself. But I realize so far (with the exception of the tax idea) I probably haven't written anything worth reading. :-/

Cleaning sucks

2007-12-06T05:32:00.000-08:00

I've concluded I stink at cleaning. Sure I'm good at moving the junk around. I can clear a table off and hid mail in a heartbeat. But really cleaning a sink or tub. Not my talent.

Why is this an issue today? Well my dad who I hardly ever see or talk to is coming to visit today. Which I basically found out about yesterday. So last night was a cleaning marathon. (I admit if I kept up with it a little more it wouldn't have been that bad.) But the guest room was full of junk and the bathroom was kind of nasty. Now the guest room is clean and the bathroom is passable. But the rest of the house still looks pretty junky. I think I need someone to come in and just toss stuff for me. Too much clutter and junk.

I tried the fly lady site once but I couldn't get into cleaning my sink every night. Maybe once I master my blog I'll check it out again.

First Post

2007-12-05T16:15:00.000-08:00

Hi! Welcome to my blog!

I'm pretty new to blogging. I just thought it would a cool place to write thoughts and ideas down.

I had some trouble coming up with a title for my blog. But I had this one song stuck in my head, 'Who am I' by Casting Crowns. It is one of my favorite songs. Then I thought, "Wow, Tracy, that would work really well for a blog title." So there you have it. My thought process. And yes I do talk to myself a lot. :-) I figure this blog will probably just be an extension of that.

Anyway if you get a chance, check out the song.